the anal stimulus package


Imagine these hardcore, cold-hearted bastards have some nerve to be begging for a bailout and are still calling my phone, telling me I'm late with my credit card payment. Always stretching their hands out, while the other hand is raising interest rates and adding finance charges as they have a mind.

Now I'm forced to talk politics once again, something I try very hard to avoid here, but it's hard to avoid it when my phone is ringing as early as 8:20 on a Saturday morning, and as late as 9pm at night. These credit card banks are relentless with their computerized collection system. Which number do I press to tell them to go fuck themselves. That is also an option! Right now, my phone is ringing, and they get slicker and slicker every time, because I took the $7. a month voicemail off my home phone, so they can't leave a message, and they don't have my cell number... they try to call "unavailable". A friend of mine who knows somebody, who knows somebody, who knows something 'bout it, told him that they even have a system to capture a number from your caller ID (like your mom's number or your office) and call you with that number so you might answer it if you think it's someone else calling... as if I answer calls from any of those numbers on a Saturday morning either. Bastards!

So anyway, first, let's look at how slick the whole proposal of the bailout/stimulus package is, and why it means the banks get it all anyway. Giving each taxpayer a stimulus check for a few hundred dollars, only means we will in turn give these same stimulus checks right back to the same banks, in the form of partial payment on our credit card debts, loans, and mortgages, etc., or even as a savings deposit.

This means the banks will be receiving, not only the bailout package made for them from our tax dollars, but also every single dollar of the stimulus package made for us ordinary main street fools. Anyone who ever did economics or finance in college, knows that the lending system allows banks to re-lend the majority of ALL deposits, and only reserve a small percentage as required by the Federal Bank. This means that every dollar of all these packages, regardless of what it is earmarked for - every dime will still make its way back to the banks, so they can turn around and lend it back to us at a ridiculous interest rate (no batteries included). Do I need to repeat the fact that that the bailout and stimulus packages, are coming from our taxes which supplied the budget in the first place.

So, in a nutshell, for those of you who want it in plain English:

first they fuck us (1 = fuck x you and me)
then they fuck us again, (2 = fuck you and me x 2)
then and after that, they just sodomize us, without Vaseline (3 = ass rape you and me x 3)

Then,they smoke a cigarette in their wife-beaters, and tell us not to cry, because it's not for their benefit, but for ours; because they're not really enjoying it. How very Chris Brown of them - (sorry Chris, you know I love you).

Anyway, here's my answer to the stimulus package bullshit ... it's a simple equation that doesn't require a calculator or any cash out of pocket or a dildo ... the only way for us to be the toppers (gay speak) and not the receivers, is if President Obama would tell these bank jerks to bend over for one to two months, and not let anyone earning below $200,000 per household, make any car loan, mortgage, rent, students loans, and especially car insurance payments(since insurance is the most fraudulent industry of them all - because if I drive until I'm 100 years old and never have an accident, I will never get a cent back).

So strap that on for size -- just two months of no bills, even one month, will mean we can all catch our breaths and save weeks of salaries so we can get back on top of our game, because I don't like people calling me at night, and I don't like taking it up the ass from strangers.

President Obama - that includes you. I voted for you, but please don't let me eat my vote.

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YOU CAN HAVE THIS HALF OF ME - I'M NOT USING IT ANYMORE.