I'm beginning to suspect that I may need anger management sessions. I blew up on my mother lastnight, and this morning, I blew another fuse on the man today -- for no good reason... well - here's what happened....he told me he was taking my jeep to check the tires and I asked him to take my tennis shoes off the top, where I rested them to get some sun after they were washed. I should have put them in the back yard on top of the patio table, but noooo, I had to be eccentric and put them on top of the jeep.

So anyway, as he is walking out the back door, I told him to take them off. I'm standing in the kitchen, seasoning dinner and looking out the window at the sunshine -- ok - I was looking at his ass - he has the sexiest walk too, ANYWAY - what do you think he did? He went straight into the car and drove away with my shoes on top. I ran out the door screaming his name as he drove away and he just kept driving and I just kept yelling, before I realized the windows were still up. I felt the distinct feeling that all my neighbors were looking out their windows thinking we had a fight and he was leaving and I was trying to call him back but he just dissed me. That's probably what got me even angrier.

So when he got back, and miraculously, my sneakers were still on top, I was still so mad,I kept yelling at him, telling him how stupid that was. He was sick of hearing it. I don't know why I wouldn't stop. I got louder and louder. He's such a gentle person, he wouldn't even respond, except to tell me softly to calm down. I still kept going. He jumped on his motorcycle and rode out. I'm going to eat a lot of ice cream tonight. I don't know what else to do. My mom isn't speaking to me either. My dad told me this morning that I need to apologize, even tho she's the one who pissed me off all the way from London on an overseas call. Oh lord. I don't know what to say. Is "Sorry" ever enough. Can I just say "Sorry" - or am I going to have to genuflect for like a month. I'm not in the mood to apologize. I think I should just lay low for a few weeks. Whatever.

Hello Goodbye

Now that we’ve met – I can’t wait to hate you,
to wish you had never been born, to want to hurt you but not really,
to hang up the phone on you, and cry whenever I hear your name,
to hate this song that’s playing right now at this very moment
we’re looking across the room deep into each others' eyes for the first time, and I can’t wait to get over you.
It will mean you have loved me until the love was done.
I want it anyway.