December 2008. what will 2009 bring. I hope to maintain this smile-- well, that's the plan so far. I have no other New Year's resolution. This is it - I resolve to smile - even when I'm not taking a picture - to be positive, even when all is chaos. Quit my bad habits? - uhm ... lets just take it slowly - I work with assholes, I'm stressed at school and really, I only have one bad vice - legalize it. That's one thing I wish Obama had on his agenda - make me happy -- make it legal to be a hippie. Lord knows some of us need it.
How can one get thru the bullshit of this New York life without a vice?
Anyway - right now, I'm reading Ralph Ellison's "Invisible Man" OMG - this book is awesome! AMAZING! I don't know how it's gonna mix with Calculus, Behavioral Psych and Logistics but - well, I guess I'll have to find a way to fit it in.
Tomorrow I'm going to see Charlie Murphy at Caroline's Comedy Club in NYC on Broadway. So that's more laughs for me.
... be still my beating heart
from one of the only times when a 4-week holiday feels like just 7 days
back to where 16 weeks feel like 1 year
to searching for parking even though I paid $60. for a parking tag
the long treks across the windy,cold, dark campus
the lame pick-up lines from guys cruising the halls of the University
the praying for snow cancellations
to long days: 8 hours at work 6 hours at school
to long nights stressing over unreasonably long homework
to boring, egotistical professors who need to be constantly stroked
to paying $200.00 for 1 textbook and still having to spend hours in the library anyway
to unprepared students asking to borrow notes, pens, paper, or to see your textbook
to vending machines that swallow my last $ in empty halls where there's noone to help
to hunger sounds coming from deep inside all of us
to meeting more people you do not wish to know
to 1st Term Exams
then the Midterms
to sudden friends who want to study with you for whatever reason
to the Term paper
to promising to hook up for drinks after Finals
to making sure never to see any of those people socially once school closes for the next holiday
...
Yesterday I found a box in my closet, filled with a whole bunch of stuff I had rested in there temporarily while I was pretending to Spring-clean last Summer. I was amazed. How is it that I didn't even notice that they were missing ... for a whole year?! Why don't I care about anything? I never use anything I get as gifts. I keep telling people to give me gift cards or only buy me what I specify -- and still some Einstein tries to be clever and "surprise" me - cheap ass motha_...anyway, with all this crap I could open a bloody store --maybe I'll call it "Filthy Useless Krap" or FUK for short.
Hmmm, anyway what about the shit that I bought,-who can I blame for all these packs of Nancy Drew postcards and packs of glo-sticks (what the hell do I need glo-sticks for?) and curly straws -(do I have to drink everything from a curly straw), and tons of file folders (oh no, wait, I stole those from the office) and what about these packs of pens and index cards (ok -I need those for school I guess) but there are loads of other crap that I don't even remember buying -honestly, I probably just stole all that shit. maybe I'm just a kleptomaniac which would explain why I don't remember buying them.
Well - I'm a little relieved...It's not so bad. For a minute there I thought I was becoming an American, but no, I'm just a thief. I'd rather be a kleptomaniac than a damn consumerist. I only steal stationery anyway, from work, and from my parents' office. Ok - either way, I'm going to take a really long, hard look at everything I have that I haven't used in the last 12 months and instead of ignoring them I'm going to get rid of them completely... that includes people. Those of you who clog my address book, people I haven't spoken with in years who only send me forward internet jokes and chain letters - you'll be the first ones to go.
And other people in general - if I haven't used you in the last 12 months, you know what to do; enlist in the Salvation Army.
Ok - I lost my phone again. Anyone who is, or has been trying to reach me, please email my @msn account if it's urgent. I'm really tired these days. I'm sure my phone is just in one of my coat pockets but I refuse to look for it ... please don't take it personally that I haven't answered your calls.
This may seem selfish to you but the truth is, I HATE PHONES and the only reason I have a phone is for MY OWN convenience, so that I can use it when I need to. I'm sorry but I realize how much productive time and money I've wasted on the phone with (you don't know who) and the CRAZIEST thing is this, when that person and I are together at my house, we don't talk at all ... What gives. ... what gives!
anyway, my post-christmas gift to myself is to be as lazy and selfish as I can possibly be for the entire month of January until school resumes on January 26. So, please pardon my pursuit of pleasure. If it's any consolation, I'm still working 5 days a week so you don't have to be too envious.
No - right now Obama cannot afford to address the history of the problem between Palestinian Hamas and Israel. When you're a President, you are constantly put on the spot. It's all about diplomacy, it's all about not showing your hand, especially when you plan to run for a second term and the media wants to hold you accountable for every word that escapes your mouth. And most importantly, a strong nation needs strong allies. America can't afford to side with a country that is militarily weak. Palestine is weak. They can't back America in a war. And they're not smart; they provoked a stronger nation. Israel responded the way one would respond to a mosquito; you don't catch it in a cup and put it outside; you fucking slap it dead. I'm not taking any side, I'm not pro Israel or Hamas. But I know we all talk a lot of shit about America - we thought it was wrong to invade Iraq but now it's okay to intervene into Israel affairs? We want to be rich and happy but we don't want America to do what it has to do to maintain the lifestyle we're so accustomed to. It's just reality. I'm not sad about it - I'm human. As long as it doesn't affect me, I limit my care. But since the argument came up about 7 times today... this is what I think. You want your iPods and your shiny new Benz and the parties and the cable tv, are you willing to part with them to make the whole world happy? If you have a mansion and all the rooms are freezing cold except one, if you open the door to share the heat, that room will go cold too, then what; every body suffers.
...
You were gone
Sun behind my eyes
And they tell me I’m alive
just because my heart is beating
Your back turned
Your footsteps weak
And they tell me I’m alive
just because I'm still breathing
...
why do I only pay attention to pain? I mean, thousands of emotions sweep through me daily and yet I never question why I'm smiling or why I feel great but the moment something hurts, I spend days feeling it. One bad feeling in 10,000 and I give it my entire day, sometimes weeks. If something doesn't hurt me I don't give it a thought. Only things that hurt are real to me. I feel that there's a lesson in the things that reach my core and in order for something to enter my core, it has to dig its way in, and that takes pain. Happiness and joy are surface, pain is profound, deep. But this year, I will make an effort to feel the good stuff more than the bad. ... well - i'll try.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
