...

Yesterday I found a box in my closet, filled with a whole bunch of stuff I had rested in there temporarily while I was pretending to Spring-clean last Summer. I was amazed. How is it that I didn't even notice that they were missing ... for a whole year?! Why don't I care about anything? I never use anything I get as gifts. I keep telling people to give me gift cards or only buy me what I specify -- and still some Einstein tries to be clever and "surprise" me - cheap ass motha_...anyway, with all this crap I could open a bloody store --maybe I'll call it "Filthy Useless Krap" or FUK for short.

Hmmm, anyway what about the shit that I bought,-who can I blame for all these packs of Nancy Drew postcards and packs of glo-sticks (what the hell do I need glo-sticks for?) and curly straws -(do I have to drink everything from a curly straw), and tons of file folders (oh no, wait, I stole those from the office) and what about these packs of pens and index cards (ok -I need those for school I guess) but there are loads of other crap that I don't even remember buying -honestly, I probably just stole all that shit. maybe I'm just a kleptomaniac which would explain why I don't remember buying them.

Well - I'm a little relieved...It's not so bad. For a minute there I thought I was becoming an American, but no, I'm just a thief. I'd rather be a kleptomaniac than a damn consumerist. I only steal stationery anyway, from work, and from my parents' office. Ok - either way, I'm going to take a really long, hard look at everything I have that I haven't used in the last 12 months and instead of ignoring them I'm going to get rid of them completely... that includes people. Those of you who clog my address book, people I haven't spoken with in years who only send me forward internet jokes and chain letters - you'll be the first ones to go.

And other people in general - if I haven't used you in the last 12 months, you know what to do; enlist in the Salvation Army.